Thanks to Pietepiet for the image!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Super Crate Box, first of all – shame on you, second of all – please go and download the game for your PC or Mac (it’s free!). If you don’t have the time, keep reading! The gameplay is simple: grab the crates and dodge/kill the enemies. It doesn’t get any more basic than that, but I assure you, it’s not as effortless as it initially seems. Even if you have squished the heads of millions of Gumbas, this is the 21st century my dear; we use guns around here. The main goal of the game is not to perform a whimsical drive-by though, it is to collect the crates. Upon doing so you will be given a new weapon with which to fight back the plague of enemies clumsily walking towards the fire at the bottom of the screen. 

To start off with things will seem a little slow. The lousy pistol you begin with is pretty unexciting and the enemies basically just dawdle their way down the multi-tiered levels. After playing for about three minutes you will probably notice that your score is not accumulated by simply picking off the enemies. The various sized blighters serve only as a distraction from your main goal, which is to grab those dang crates!

The formula Vlambeer have concocted is one that lends itself to a high dose of adrenaline-filled, fast action that has you whelping at every scrape with death. You’ll probably also make an embarrassing squeal of joy every time you unlock a new weapon as they gradually get more and more destructive. Soon you’ll be toting a machine gun, rocket launcher, flamethrower, minigun, and many more – I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise. The great thing about the weapons is that they require different tactics to ensure survival. For instance the disk shooter can lead to suicide, the rocket launcher leaves you vulnerable after firing to reload and the flamethrower has a limited distance to dish out the pain. Now, imagine having to switch up your tactics every couple of seconds as you scramble for a crate. THAT is where Super Crate Box excels in pure mad-dashing, gun-fumbling chaos.

Of course the ongoing worry was that the controls would not be so sharp on the iOS port and therefore tarnish the experience somewhat. Games like Mega Man II and Metal Slug Touch were legendary on the consoles but saw horrendous transferrals to iDevices. I would just like to state this one thing dear Vlambeer: I just have to complement the simplicity of the game and how easy the controls are to get to grips with. The two arrow, two button combo takes a little adjusting but once you have figured it out, Super Crate Box comes together like bread and butter on the new platform.

Super Crate Box on iOS is a winner all around. The crazy-addictive soundtrack slaps you fresh faced as soon you start up the game and the action sustains an exciting and highly enjoyable experience. Unlocking the various weapons and other levels will keep you occupied for a while. The tremendous replay value doesn’t stop there though as there are a bunch of crazy characters to unlock as well. There are multiple game modes for each map as well, requiring at least 30 points to unlock them.

Once that progressive stage is complete, Super Crate Box will be that game you play at every spare moment you have in your life from now on. Every train ride, coffee break and queue you enter will be a date with the insanity of Super Crate Box. I’d recommend it to almost everyone!

For more information on Super Crate Box visit their official website. The iOS version can be found at the App Store, universal for the iPhone and iPad for $1.99.